Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
