i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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