Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
