i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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