oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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