We won't sleep together?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
