are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
