What a fucking waste of an outfit
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
