What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
