i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
