Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
