forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
