then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
