Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
