Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
