I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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