just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
