Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
