I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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