Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
