I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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