My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
