Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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