you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
