yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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