Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
