Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
