I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
