Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
