i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
