Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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