Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
