very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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