Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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