we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
