She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
