If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
whose parrot is this?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
