Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
only you would photoshop your dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
