sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
