I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
