tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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