I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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