Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize