Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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