Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
