I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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