JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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