Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
