You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
