When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
