I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
