he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
