dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
