yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize