there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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