Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
