NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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