Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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