Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
