just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
