Too much gin, very little bucket
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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