I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
