Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
