i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
