can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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