she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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