This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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