Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
