Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She bit a glass in half.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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