Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
