I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize