How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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