If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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