you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
