Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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