I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
